The Critical 'I'

Read. React. Repeat.

Friday, March 12, 2004

CHAMPPS: LAND OF AUDIOVISUAL TECHNIQUES
I'm going out to dinner tonight with a group of friends, including a couple I haven't seen in a long while. We're converging on Champps (that's "Champps" with two "p"s--more stupid-looking than distinctive, and probably created just to secure a unique trademark), a self-described upscale sports bar. I'm sure the only difference between their greasy-fried mozarella sticks and the mom-and-pop place across town's is an extra five bucks. But whatever; the main purpose is to get together and mingle, not eat.

Would you like to read a description of the Champps at International Plaza in Tampa, the location I'll be hitting? Sure you would:

Champps is an upscale casual dining restaurant that offers a broad menu consisting of freshly prepared food coupled with exceptional service. In addition, Champps creates a visually exciting environment through audiovisual techniques and several large screen televisions.

Gripping, isn't it? Especially the "audiovisual techniques", which, just in case they don't do the whole job of creating the "visually exciting environment", are backed up by a mess of big-screen TVs. I'm not sure it can be more obvious that that little scrap of text was ineptly written by some sub-literate mall marketing assistant. (Hell, who am I kidding--it's probably the work of the sub-literate mall marketing manager.)

It's little, everyday incompetencies like the above that give me enough smiles to make it through the day.