The Critical 'I'

Read. React. Repeat.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

MY FIRST TUMS
tum-tah-TUM-tum
Thanks to a persistent two-day bout of heartburn, today I finally broke down and bought a roll of Tums tablets, and downed a few for the first time in my 32 years of living. Thus do I cross the Rubicon into crustilicious geezerhood.

Yes, I realize you don't have to be particularly old to get heartburn and have need of appropriate remedy. But in my mind, I've always considered things like antacids to be something for older people--older than me, anyway. The image of a middle-aged schlub with a daily habit of pill-popping a half-dozen medications is a strong disincentive for me; I'd rather just grin and bear it. Fact is, I don't get things like heartburn very often, and until pretty recently, I wasn't even aware that that was what I had--I figured it was just some nonspecific nausea.

But this latest discomfort finally pushed me over the edge. So now, I'm an antacid-chewing putz. I might as well stop by the store on the way home and stock up on Pepto-Bismol and Metamucil, too. And some Levitra, while I'm at it.