The Critical 'I'

Read. React. Repeat.

Sunday, April 27, 2003

APPLE, CRAPPLE
What a weird world. I came across this ode to bad, obscure movies from across the globe yesterday; I'm still having fun reading through it. While reading this page, I took note of this entry:

THE APPLE (1980) Extraordinarily, stupefyingly, painfully "for God’s sake turn it off, I’ll tell you anything you want to know!" bad sci fi musical/religious parable written, produced, and directed by Menahem Golan. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.


So I woke up this morning, checked the TV listings, and what do you think was on one of the movie channels at 9:30 AM? None other than The Apple! No way I could pass this up! Set in the far-flung future of 1994! When the glam-rock dialectic has taken over the world, and every New Yorker speaks with either a British or (West) German accent! You know, just like it really was ;)

I'm watching this dreckful creation right now, and only 15 minutes into it.... boy oh boy. I think I'd have to invent a new language just to properly express how terrible this is. They just started their first Xanadu-esque musical number--ack! It's like a third-rate Rocky Horror Picture Show. On third-rate crack.

Sometimes, it just hurts so good.