The Critical 'I'

Read. React. Repeat.

Thursday, December 19, 2002

SUDDEN DEATH
Now there's a new way to get killed over a soccer game, in addition to the traditional soccer riot. A research study has determined that sudden-death shootouts in soccer matches have a direct correlation to cardiac arrests among more excitable viewers.

I'd like to congratulate the researchers on their contribution here. In my mind, it joins the ranks of other useless scientific studies like the dynamics of the stadium wave.

Actually, I guess this report is not totally useless. It could be used as a counter-argument in the debate over bringing the shootout to the NHL; that issue seems to get conjured up every time someone notices what they feels are too many tied games.

Hmmm.... I just thought of how lucky British "football" fans actually are, considering. It could be a lot worse: Imagine how many more heart attacks they'd suffer if they had to endure Andrés Cantor, the GOOOOOOOOOOAL! Guy.